You know....you have them occasionaly. The ones where your almost at tears, your not sure why; life was good yesterday and now, for now at least it just feels like shit. Sleepings a possibility but it seems almost impossible to achieve. Shit im a fully grown, fairly large male and im writing this on the edge of being a blubbering baby! I'll tell it as a story, stories are good!
One of my best friends came to visit a few days ago, he mentioned this girl I like, but I havent told anybody, not even him! Ok maybe just a suggestion but it was a very male, meh shes ok type comment! At the same time I really like this local girl (as in we are at the same uni). The problem and depressing bit is that I dont know if I like one of them much because I dont really know her, but the attractions insane, I mean its rare, rarely insane! But I might not see her soon/ever. At the same time I cant go out with this local girl because ill feel shit like meh I like the other girl. But at the same time i really really like this local girl and its like i could see us being great friends or more. But I denied her tonight my reasoning being the exams; but yes this was bugging me too! I knew I wouldnt be able to sleep until I did some venting see, so I came and typed it all here; now I feel a lot better.
These last few days have been hard, not with my mate Tom visiting that was mint, but the work and today him not being here and the thoughts of what if then this other girl; its all clashed together into a fairly stressful; yet strangely motivating mix!
On the MMA front me and Tom did some training I won two-one doing the old Brazilian Ju-Jitsu. It was mint I love that sport with all my sane heart (id say its something like 33% sane ;-)). Also ive written up a new diet plan (cereal, salad lunch, normal tea, 8 classes of water 4 of fruit alcohol only on a thursday and saturday). And gym plan (8 hours gym a week). Im hoping it will man me up.
I wish life would be easier, but i guess after all we learn from the constant struggles.
Chris.
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