EARLY New Years Resolutions

Hay,

Well life has been pretty good for me at the moment! I'm working hard which is bad because its just to fill time, but ill get some cash and lord I need that so bad! Just a quickie tonight on my new years resolutions! I'm writing them here so I remember them and can focus back on them throughout the year. I'm also going to encourage all my mates to help me with these targets!

Aim one: 13 and a half stone by the end of the year (189 pounds and 85.7289579kg thanks google)!

Aim two: Build more muscle- ok I know this isnt one I can neccessarily know when ive hit!

Aim three: Move out by xmas 2010

Aim four: Have a job by November 2010

Aim five: (and the biggie) Cut drink out to two days a week (thursday and saturday so i can be social)

Aim six: A salad a day I mean proper beefy nice salad (that should be easy I love salad)!

Aim seven: Cut out all 'junk food' apart from Sunday nights so I dont go on binges like used to!

So yeah targets down; lets go get them!

peace,

Chris.
So yeah im setting targets and looking at how I can hit them by the dates set, ive gotta

Work Training weekend!

This weekend I returned to Shrewsbury for work training. I decided to let a minimal amount of people know about this so it wouldnt seem like I was avoiding seeing people! Of course I was; but the reason was I needed this to be very relaxed, work was enough stress I didnt need anymore! Work was as dull as ever we just all sat there 4 nine hours before we could leave; it was training after all, and yeah the money will make it all worth while!

In other news being with my father is like trying to walk on a just frozen lake! One bad move and your dead! Its horrible I never know quite where I am with him and I think this effected my shyness and made it worse; effecting my value feelings and that! I'm getting over it mind, hes one person in literally billions!

The world really is my oyster and im going to make the best world I can!

Chris.

No Karate, lots of sleep = a clear mind

I havent had a mediatate today; not because im down but because i'm very up! Todays been an awesome action packed day! It started with a lot of sleep (and a bizarre car based dream)! Then I went to football, Karate was off because of a Karateathon event where people did Karate all day (crazy huh)? After football I went to watch some football! It was great fun although I was pretty tired and those seats are way too small for a 6 foot 4 male! So alls good im relaxed now, a little bored, be sleeping soon though zzzzzzzzzzzzzz!

Chris.

Conclusions of the past few weeks.

I'm drawing a line under current events, whilst learning from them immensely. I see now that all this insecurity, all of this worry that i'm alone, uncool (whatever that means), and generally failing life is not only BS but also a part of internal mind problems, and nothing doing anything but improving myself can improve i.e. getting a girlfriend, seeing my mother, getting drunk with friends etc wont solve any of this. I other need to focus on me, i'm ultimately whats most important to myself in the end anyway. So to do this I think plenty of meditation, the creation of new goals and the crossing off of some is required......or the update. I cant improve my outiside world; until I am at one with myself! I saw this last night whilst meditating, it also helps me to think well who gives a fuck what others think because thats external me not internal me and i'm focusing on that guy; that is Ben my Totem.

In other news I realised how even some apparent friends can enjoy your downfall and enjoy sticking another nail into your grave. This led to anger, but also further thought that internal me needs sorting, so thanks! I shouldnt let people like that effect me they can go feck themselves you know what I mean? In a completely selfish way its me who matters fuck the rest of this world. ME ME ME!

its the theme of the day, now im off to make me well again!

Chris.