I'm drawing a line under current events, whilst learning from them immensely. I see now that all this insecurity, all of this worry that i'm alone, uncool (whatever that means), and generally failing life is not only BS but also a part of internal mind problems, and nothing doing anything but improving myself can improve i.e. getting a girlfriend, seeing my mother, getting drunk with friends etc wont solve any of this. I other need to focus on me, i'm ultimately whats most important to myself in the end anyway. So to do this I think plenty of meditation, the creation of new goals and the crossing off of some is required......or the update. I cant improve my outiside world; until I am at one with myself! I saw this last night whilst meditating, it also helps me to think well who gives a fuck what others think because thats external me not internal me and i'm focusing on that guy; that is Ben my Totem.
In other news I realised how even some apparent friends can enjoy your downfall and enjoy sticking another nail into your grave. This led to anger, but also further thought that internal me needs sorting, so thanks! I shouldnt let people like that effect me they can go feck themselves you know what I mean? In a completely selfish way its me who matters fuck the rest of this world. ME ME ME!
its the theme of the day, now im off to make me well again!
Chris.
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