Its amazing how your life can go from the best to hell in a matter of days isnt it? A few days ago I was actually stupid enough to think someone else in this world might actually like me! Looking back this was a huge error and I had been severely manipulated, but im still suffering as a result of these incredibly fucked up feelings. I was doing ok until tom left, I had a distraction from my feelings and over zealous emotions but now ive crashed and I weep although im not sure why it wont change anything not one thing! I am never again going to let anyone control me; although i thought I liked it, I thought id just snap into action, but no I froze; and now I look at this kitchen nikfe next to me and think is it really worth all this pain, why not just end it? This is definately the lowest point ive had in the past three years and it just so happens that its a dark, dank day. I want to go walking but I dont think id ever come back. I'm starving too but eating is just pointless, its like im hurting so everythings just concentrating on this pain and feeling sorry for myself. Which is in fact something im increasingly annoyied at; I mean I cant change a thing, frustrating as that might be and should just thing blah blah move on boo hoo etc and just do it. Yet everytime I have an up at the moment a low hits me seconds later. Until I get so low I break, e.g. now!

So if you dont mind i'm off to wollow in self pity and cry over a girl ill probably never see again.

Chris.